‘Condition Haych’ – An Epidemic of Grammatical Proportions

In a recent publication in the Journal of Speaking Properly (Spurr 2014), epidemiologists suggested we are in the midst of an epidemic. Public health officials are relatively confident that the disease known as ‘Condition Haych’ is largely isolated to the Australian population at present (urgent amendment see below for update).

‘Condition Haych’ is a disease characterised by the mispronunciation of the letter ‘H’ – correctly orated as ‘Aych‘ (note the absence of preceding H).

Although the authors were unable to establish a definitive genetic link, the disease process trended toward association with environmental and lifestyle factors. Correlation with other symptoms, such as cognitive inability to distinguish between ‘their‘, ‘there‘, and ‘they’re‘; and ‘your‘ and ‘you’re‘ were statistically significant (p<0.01).

While not a terminal disease, recovery is rare and requires extensive rehabilitation with speech pathology involvement and extreme negative conditioning cognitive behaviour therapy.

I would like to thank my wife for the inspiration to write this review, she is in remission following aggressive therapy for this debilitating illness.

 

Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

28th June 2014 Urgent Post-publication Update: In the past three days, confirmed cases of Condition Haych have flooded in via Injectable Orange Centre for Disease Control (aka Twitter). There have been widespread reports of Haych-like symptoms in the United Kingdom and a number of verified cases of Condition Haych in Nova-Scotia, Canada thanks to our epidemiologist on the ground @VasospasticRN. I will keep the public updated as information comes to hand.

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